anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
