Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
