Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
