She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's the barista slut.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize