I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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