So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
