16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
