and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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