You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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