i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize