glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
