There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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