We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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