You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
