I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
