Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need a beard to bite.
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