Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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