He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
