Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
