A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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