btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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