i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
