no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
