Your face is a jimmy john
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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