How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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