Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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