Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
