My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
