the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
