i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
