At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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