what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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