does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
