i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
