God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
