So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
