Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
