The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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