my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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