I just cut my nipple shaving
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
