im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
