yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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