Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
