his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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