Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
