I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
