Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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