So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
