Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
