On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Houston, we have a squirter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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