You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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