your parents love me but you hate me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
