We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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