i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
