We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
