my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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