Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
