i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
