I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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