i will never coherently bang her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize