Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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