my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The adults are the big ones right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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