Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize