just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
