i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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