Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize