my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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