I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize