i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
