i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
