Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
