There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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