There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You took a bar mat shot.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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