my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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