haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
