i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
