Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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